The Legendary Journey of X — A Story on Childhood Trauma.

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NOTHING WE CAN’T HANDLE, BREAK IT UP AND DISMANTLE.

DMX

HUMAN posts are designed for you to understand the human in you. We are truly one.

DMX, also known as Earl Simmons, had an interesting start in life. His teenage parents had a short-lived relationship that ultimately led to his birth. While the details of their relationship may be fleeting, it’s clear that DMX’s mother and father played a significant role in shaping his journey. DMX’s mother, Arnett Simmons, raised him on her own for much of his childhood. Although their time together may have been brief, her influence undoubtedly left a lasting impact on DMX. From humble beginnings to becoming one of hip-hop’s most influential artists, DMX’s story is a testament to resilience and determination. His unique upbringing and self-discovery paved the way for his success in the music industry. The inspiration for this nickname came from a notable digital drum machine at the time and later in life he would refer to the meaning being “Dark Man X,” which reflects his tough upbringing and the challenges he faced growing up in Yonkers, New York.

A year after Earl’s birth, Arnett’s mother would pass away, leaving her feeling alone and without her main source of support. Joe Barker, Earl’s father, would occasionally make appearances in his life but ultimately chose to cut off all ties with his family to pursue his artistic passion in Philadelphia. Earl suffered from various health issues, including severe allergies and asthma, which made him sick. Arnett didn’t let her children go outside much, so Earl used to make his own entertainment; he became good at drawing, inspired by his father.

As a child, Earl developed a strong protective instinct towards his mother, Arnett. She would often tell him that he was the man of the house and had to take care of things, which seemed peculiar to him considering she would bring different men home for various reasons. Arnett strived to be self-sufficient and fought against relying on government assistance. Despite facing challenging circumstances, she managed to make things work.

However, Arnett played a significant role in shaping Earl’s character negatively. She was mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive towards him. Earl endured frequent beatings for almost any reason that displeased his mother. He even felt that she would beat him because he reminded her of his father. On occasions when Arnett grew tired of beating Earl, she would invite men over specifically to provide punishments. Arnett would inform these men about Earl’s alleged offenses, and he would receive a beating for each one. The beatings were so severe that they sometimes triggered asthma attacks in Earl. After the beatings, Arnett would often comfort Earl’s sister with a hug, while Earl himself was denied any form of affection.

Even with the disciplinary challenges at home, Earl excelled in school. His teachers recognized his intelligence and often praised him as a bright student. He had a love for reading and frequently won spelling bees in his class. Earl was even placed in advanced classes due to his abilities. Despite his accomplishments, when he eagerly shared his knowledge and successes with his mother, she showed little interest or support, leaving him feeling unimportant.

As time went on, Earl grew bored with consistently outperforming his classmates. He would finish tasks ahead of schedule and find himself with extra time on his hands while others caught up. It was during this period that a thought crossed his mind: “Why put in all this extra effort when I can do less and still achieve the same results?” This shift in his mindset led to a change in his behavior at school. He started misbehaving by throwing spitballs or erasers, seeking attention by doing things that would make people say, “Did he really do that?”

His teachers took notice of the change and responded with punishments like detention, but Earl didn’t seem to care. Going home wasn’t appealing to him anyway. The school even considered holding him back a grade because of his behavior, but they couldn’t justify it. Despite his recklessness, Earl remained the top student in his grade. An IQ test confirmed that he was intellectually superior to children several grades ahead of him. Ironically, the smarter Earl became, the more daring and careless he seemed to be.

One day after detention, Earl stayed out late with one of the other kids that were there. They left school, went to a store, stole gum, and started playing with a tire. He was having so much fun that he lost track of time. He would eventually get stopped by police with his mother in the backseat; she was worried. This was the first time he felt his mother actually cared about him. He didn’t get a beating when he got home, just a talking to. She threatens that if he does this again though, she will. No longer than two days later, he did it again and got a beating, but this was a turning point for Earl. He was tired of always being in the house. He started going outside and playing with the children out there. He noticed that the only children that were out there were the ones whose parents were either on drugs or just didn’t care too much about their wellbeing.

Earl found peace at his grandmother’s house, where the rules were more relaxed and he felt genuine love. His grandmother lived with his two uncles, who were around the same age as him. One day, a teacher noticed that Earl had a swollen lip and bruises all over his body. Concerned, they sent him to the nurse’s office, where more bruises were discovered. His mother blamed Earl for the injuries, attributing them to his “bad” behavior. As time passed, Earl’s behavior worsened, and his mother struggled to control him. Eventually, he was sent to a school dormitory facility for eighteen months, when he was only ten years old.

During his time at the facility, Earl met another child who proposed an experiment: to see if playing with fire would turn the floor blue like the flame. Unfortunately, the experiment didn’t go as planned, and the entire building almost caught fire. Earl was charged with arson while the other child escaped consequences. This incident filled Earl with rage, leading him to choke the other child with the intention to kill him. Although the child didn’t die, he lost consciousness. Afterwards the child’s parents pressed charges against Earl. As a result, Earl was removed from the main section of the school and forced to live in the school infirmary, separated from other students. Confined in this space, he felt like a trapped animal. Each day, his anger grew more intense. He eagerly awaited the opportunity to return home, completing his work as quickly as possible.

Earl gained quite a reputation during his time away, and when he finally returned home, he headed straight to his grandmother’s house. There, Earl and his uncles would engage in exciting games like truth or dare, taking things to the extreme. On one occasion, they dared two of their friends to steal a purse from an elderly lady. They succeeded and got away with a hundred and fifty dollars. Earl and his uncle convinced their friends to hand over the money, but in return, they only gave them a measly five dollars as a reward. These acts gave Earl and his uncles a troublemaker reputation in the neighborhood.

Back at home, Earl constantly was punished. However, he started standing up to his mother’s boyfriends, and they stopped physically abusing him. Sadly, his mother resorted to beating him while he slept. This made Earl reach his breaking point, and he stopped going to school, seeking resorted to the streets instead. He believed anywhere would be better than the toxic environment at home. After spending several nights on the streets, Earl discovered a stray dog. He successfully convinced the dog to accompany him and quickly developed a deep affection for these furry friends. What amazed him the most was their unwavering loyalty, which was unlike anything he had experienced with humans. The dogs’ constant love brought Earl immense happiness and comfort.

During his 9th grade year, Earl was sent to a group home, this triggered a spark in his demeanor. He started embracing ruthlessness, disregarding the need to conceal his emotions or aggression. Earl was determined to not appear broke or look like a mess when he entered high school. During this time, he stole a dog named “Blackie” and embarked on a spree of local robberies, amassing over a thousand dollars in his first one. He had no limits when it came to the people he would steal from, even robbing friends of friends. When other children saw him, they knew better than to resist and simply handed over whatever they had. He averaged three robberies daily and stopped attending classes altogether.

One day, Earl faced a complaint about Blackie’s behavior. An officer instructed him to restrain the dog, resulting in Blackie’s aggression escalating to the point where the officer had to put him down. Around the same time, one of Earl’s close friends introduced him to a “wooly,” a cocaine-laced blunt, that would forever alter the course of Earl’s life.

As Earl’s desperation grew, his robberies shifted from just maintaining, to supporting his drug addiction. When he no longer had his faithful dog by his side, Earl resorted to carrying a gun during his criminal acts. Eventually, this landed him in a place called Industry, facing a two-year sentence. However, Earl and one of his cellmates refused to accept their fate. They devised an escape plan and managed to succeed. Earl made it back home, but unfortunately, his mother reported him to the police. He was once again locked up, this time being sent to McCormick Juvenile Institution, a more secure facility.

Being locked up became a significant turning point for Earl. It was during this time that he discovered his true passion for music. Earl had always been skilled at beatboxing, but he realized he was often overshadowed by his friends who received the attention he craved. Determined to make a name for himself, Earl made the decision to become an MC. He devoted his time to writing tirelessly, capturing the experiences and observations from his surroundings. This creative outlet allowed him to express himself fully. When Earl was finally released from McCormick, he embraced his new identity and chose to go by the name “DMX the Great.”

Every year, the City of Yonkers would sponsor an African American Heritage Day Festival in Trevor Park. One year, a counselor named Ms. Gains convinced Earl to take place in it. Earl took part in their poetry contest and won, beating out twelve other poets from around the city. Earl asked Ms. Gains to help him set up microphones at a local recreation center so they can perform for fun and after a bit of convincing, she agreed.

Despite his ongoing involvement in criminal activities, Earl’s passion for music never waned. During his periods of incarceration, he found solace in writing and honed his rap skills, focusing on improving his style and delivery. Earl took it a step further by recording and selling his own mixtapes. He skillfully rapped over popular radio vocals, surpassing the original artists with his unique approach. Through his music, Earl began carving out a reputation for himself within his city.

Seeking new challenges, Earl engaged in rap battles with aspiring MCs he encountered along the way. He diligently studied other artists he heard on the radio, incorporating their techniques into his own music while infusing it with his raw and gritty touch. Earl fearlessly delivered ruthless and provocative lines, yet people embraced his authenticity and loved his hard-hitting sound, finding it unmatched in the radio waves.

DMX’s breakthrough moment came when he engaged in a legendary battle against Bill Blass during Yonkers’ 1990 Battle of the Year. Blass was the reigning MC in Yonkers at that time. DMX’s raw and intense raps were so powerful that he won over the crowd in the very first round, causing them to go wild with excitement. This victory propelled DMX’s career, and he continued hustling until he eventually became the most exceptional unsigned rapper in the country.

During his journey, Earl reunited with an old friend who introduced him to two brothers named Joaquin and Darin. These ambitious hustlers aspired to establish a record label and Joaquin was willing to provide financial support for anything Earl needed. Inspired by their collaboration, Earl came up with the name “Ruff Ryders,” and the label officially came into existence. The rest, as they say, is history. DMX sold over 74 million records worldwide, making him one of the best-selling rappers ever. He achieved multi-platinum status with five studio albums and appeared in 43 movies, TV shows, and documentaries.

Childhood trauma is an ever-present demon that DMX struggled to escape. Trauma can have a profound influence on a person’s thoughts, emotions, actions, physical well-being, and overall quality of life; it can shape our lives and influence us without us even recognizing its existence. Being traumatized can be really scary because it has the power to reside in our minds without us even realizing it. The unsettling thing is that we don’t need to be actively feeling negative emotions for it to impact us.

Initially, the mind suppresses memories that are too painful, serving as a protective mechanism against emotional distress. We sometimes go through life wondering why we are the way we are and a lot of times we don’t have the answers. Sadly, in DMX’s case, the person closest to him happened to be the one who inflicted the most abuse upon him. However, DMX is not alone in this struggle. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1 in 6 adults have experienced four or more types of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs).

Despite enduring such trauma during his formative years, DMX managed to find strength within himself to overcome these adversities. Through music and self-expression, he channeled his pain into artistry that resonated with millions around the world. His raw and honest lyrics became a soothing outlet for him to confront the demons of his past and inspire others who had experienced similar hardships. DMX’s ability to transform personal suffering into powerful messages of resilience and hope made him an icon for many who were also seeking healing from their own traumas.

Overcoming childhood trauma is never easy, but DMX serves as a testament to the power of determination and self-belief. His journey reminds us that even in our darkest moments, we have the capacity to rise above our circumstances and create a better future for ourselves. DMX’s legacy not only lies in his music but also in the inspiration he provides for those who have faced hardship. His story serves as a reminder that no matter how difficult our past may be, we have the strength within us to overcome and thrive. It is truly saddening to hear about the passing of DMX at the ripe age of 50. May his music continue to resonate and inspire us, serving as a reminder to express our emotions and compassionately address the challenges and hardships that others may face in their lives. Let X continue to give it to us.